The following were taken from actual employee evaluations: * Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig. * His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity. * I would not allow this man to breed. * This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be. * Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. * When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. * He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. * This man has delusions of adequacy. * He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them. * This employee should go far -- the sooner he starts, the better. * This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. * Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking. * Got a full six-pack, but is missing the plastic thingy that holds it together.