Spitfire
10-13-2005, 06:07 AM
My Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this real slow, because I know you can't
read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your
Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen
within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be
able to send you the address because the last Arkansas
family that lived here took the house numbers when
they moved so they wouldn't have to change their
address.
;This place is really nice.. It even has a washing
machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last
week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last
week; the first time for three days, and the second
time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; -- your Uncle
Billy-Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the
mail with the big buttons on, so we had to cut them
off. You can find them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were
really worried because it took him two hours to get me
and your pa out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't
found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an
aunt or uncle. It's the dangdest thing, but the baby
looks just like your oldest brother.
Uncle Bobby-Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off
and drowned. We had him cremated; -- he burned for
three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup
truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window
and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and
Buford, were in the back. They drowned because they
couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much
out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
I'm writing this real slow, because I know you can't
read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your
Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen
within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be
able to send you the address because the last Arkansas
family that lived here took the house numbers when
they moved so they wouldn't have to change their
address.
;This place is really nice.. It even has a washing
machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last
week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last
week; the first time for three days, and the second
time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; -- your Uncle
Billy-Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the
mail with the big buttons on, so we had to cut them
off. You can find them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were
really worried because it took him two hours to get me
and your pa out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't
found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an
aunt or uncle. It's the dangdest thing, but the baby
looks just like your oldest brother.
Uncle Bobby-Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off
and drowned. We had him cremated; -- he burned for
three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup
truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window
and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and
Buford, were in the back. They drowned because they
couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much
out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom